I previously reviewed the Dark Messiah demo, and since I've had my hands on the full, retail, complete, whole and final version of the game I decided I'd review that too. I'll try to keep this one brief and to the point.

Single Player

20 FPS on a freakin' menu is what I'd call a bad start. My video card has been giving me grief (constant overheating) so I'm willing to consider it may be due to my card, but I don't think it is. This is with the Optimal Recommended settings by the by. And anyone that's used the Source Engine knows that the only graphics options that do anything are Textures, HDR and Gamma. Everything else looks exactly the fucking same no matter what settings you put it on. That said I knocked all the settings down and managed to double my menu frame-rate without it actually looking different at all (except for the HDR which was only giving me a headache).
The game itself is actually pretty cool. It's an FPRPSâ„¢, combining the worst of First-Person-Shooters (straight-forward linear storyline with bland, repetitive environments) with the basic elements of RPG (experience points that can be spent on upping certain parts of your character. Strength, Agility, Bow Skill and so forth) making a pretty average game.
The only thing that was entertaining was finding hidden items. There were a couple of challenging puzzles that I found pretty entertaining as well.
It has three or four different endings and a couple parts where you can branch out and do different things (save the damsel in distress or let her die? Purge the evil demon from your soul or <3 her long time) so I guess there's that for replayability, but between the constant crashing and handbags full of bugs I really don't think I care enough to get them.

PS. What kind of icon is that? This is 2006 you noobs, try something with more than 3 colours. Oh, and there's this freaky new invention they've named "Transparency". I hear it makes those ugly white backgrounds INVISDABLE. I know!


30 minutes to copy my steam folder over to a partition with more than 10 megabytes free so I can install this bad mamajama.
1.5 hours to download via Steamâ„¢.
20 minutes to load one map.
Map loads to see the final scoreboard and people saying "gg".
20 minutes to load the next map.
10 minutes of gameplay on an incredibly laggy (all my settings were on low), uninspired map before some 1337 mother fucker caps all the flags.
20 minutes to load the next map.
5 minutes of running around aimlessly.
Get burned alive by some randomly aimed fireball and the game crashes.
5 minutes to uninstall.